I remember when I could not even spell rehabilitation, or tell you what that word meant. I was nineteen years old when I came to prison. I had just arrived at DVI/Tracy reception center. One of the sergeants there pulled me to the side. He had his (class-A) uniform on with a bunch of stripes on his sleeve. He asked me how much time I was doing, and I told him, life. He looked at me, shook his head, and told me I was a waste of Mexican. I didn't know how to respond to that, I was shocked by what he just told me. I was nineteen and I could have took those words and run with them. I didn't. In that moment, I chose not to believe what that sergeant was telling me. I used those negative words as inspiration and decided that day to rehabilitate myself. I remember telling myself that I was going to prove him wrong. 

Then, when I went to my first classification committee, I was level four, I had seventy-two points and I asked a question. I asked the committee when I would be getting off close-A custody. They laughed, and said, "I wouldn't worry about that right now, your parole officer hasn't even been born yet!" I didn't even understand what that meant, I was too young. This was 1997. I got my first job in prison on the yard crew, and I got my A1A status. Then I got placed in school, and I made a goal to get my GED. I achieved my GED in eighteen months. When I got my GED, the R for rehabilitation wasn't even in CDCR at the time. It was called CDC, California Department of Corrections. That accomplishment of my GED was the beginning of my change, and the beginning of this journey of my rehabilitation. They had a graduation, my parents came up and my dad told me he was proud of me. I will never forget those words and how good they made me feel. 

I didn't stop there. After three years of positive programming, my points dropped and I became level three. I immediately got assigned to Office Services, learned how to type, use a computer, and got introduced to my first self-help classes. Conflict Resolution, Houses of Healing, and the Four Agreements were my first self-help classes. I remember being in these classes and not understanding what the hell was going on. This self-help stuff was like a foreign language to me. Although I didn't understand what was going on, it was something different, and seeds were being planted. 

After three years, I completed Office Services, and moved on to become a facility barber. I learned how to cut hair, talk to different people, and maintain a job for the next ten years. I also grew mentally, physically, and spiritually. I played softball, handball, which kept me away from gangs, drugs, and alcohol. I was forty-five minutes from home, got visits regularly, and built a strong relationship with my family. 

In January 2013 the whole point system changed throughout CDCR. I got off close custody and became level two. The question I asked in my first classification committee about when I would be getting off close custody? It happened, and my parole officer has been born. This level two prison I was going to had just opened. They wanted guys here that believed that rehabilitation is real. I've been here now for seven years, and VSP has the most self-help classes in all CDCR. There are over 150 groups here, and it gives out the most RAC credits throughout CDCR. 

In 2018 I was given the opportunity to participate in the Long Term Offender Program. I took SAP, Anger Management, and Criminal Thinking. The LTOP program was a voluntary program, and in this program, rehabilitation for me came full circle. Gavel Club is another rehabilitation program that helped me gain my self-confidence and self-identity. It helped me with my communication skills, and I started believing in myself. 

To me, rehabilitation is a lifelong process. It starts in your mind and in the way you think. You have to want it, and make that choice to want to change. CDCR offers the programs, tools, and education. They don't make you take these groups and classes; there are incentives, such as RAC credits, Milestones, and Educational Merit Credits. 

If you were to ask me today, at the age of 43, IS REHABILITATION REAL? I would say most definitely. You have to want it, no matter the cost. Every day behind these walls you have to pursue it. Sometimes it's not easy and it's not popular. People might turn against you, and that's when you know you are on the right road of rehabilitation. If you want to make it out and stay out, you have to believe wholeheartedly that REHABILITATION IS REAL.