Dear Soulmaking Community,

Greetings. My name is Saul Diaz AH8976. I am a male Hispanic Mexican American who has been incarcerated for close to 10 years now. I’m proud to say that today I am an Art of Soulmaking facilitator, who has been able to reconcile with his soul and spirit thanks to Art of Soulmaking.

For many years I denied my situation, I fought against it, and always found ways to make it worse. Being invited to become the alchemist of my own experiences, of my own heart, and to harvest the fruit of pain helped me turn the poison I was consuming into medicine that eventually helped me heal and become whole again.

My journey in prison has been full of ups and downs, smiles, frowns, laughs, cries, sadness, loneliness, but most importantly self-destruction. I was arrested at the age of 18 for 2 counts of Attempted Murder and 1 count of Major Homicide and received a sentence of 74 years to life plus 3 additional 25 to life terms for enhancements.

For many years I lived life hopeless, consumed by the criminal gang lifestyle. As a youth, I suffered from low self-esteem and always cared what others thought about me. I did things to be accepted, lacked identity, character, direction, and mostly functioned under a warped belief system. I adopted a persona which became my refuge, my mask to hide the shame, embarrassment, and pain within me. 

I was privileged enough and blessed to have my mother and father in my life. They remain married to this day. They raised me to be loving, caring, respectful, responsible, hardworking, honest, and kind, to name a few, but growing up in the environment we lived in, these traits only got you bullied and made fun of. Good kids don't make it far in the community I lived in, and I refused to be victimized.

Despite having both my parents in my life, they worked a lot, and as a child, I didn’t quite understand what it took to provide for a family, so I interpreted their time at work and sacrifice as neglect. They left me and my siblings at my grandmother’s house while they headed off to work. This was routine for the first 12 years of my life. When I began to get bullied being a "yard" kid, it made me angry towards my parents. I began to question the way they were raising me to be, and when I received them, they seemed to never be around, which grew into resentment.

Not to mention the community we lived in was full of gang violence. My uncles were gang members, my brother was a gang member, my brother-in-law was a gang member, and my grandmother’s house was the gang spot. I witnessed my first murder at the age of 10. One of my uncle’s friend's girlfriends was killed during a drive-by shooting, which scared me greatly.

I began to follow my uncle and his friends around, but they rejected me, saying, "Go home, momma’s boy, before your mom kicks your ass, or you ain’t built for this," which brought me great shame and embarrassment. I vowed to one day earn my place amongst them, so I began to rebel. I started fighting in school, I broke into my 2nd grade teacher’s classroom, and did the most to be accepted by my negative peers.

My mother and father would try their best to discipline me by spanking, which made me resent them more. I began to question their love for me and eventually joined the local gang. I wanted power and control of my life and thrived under the false version of myself. 

I started committing crimes, stealing cars, and running more into committing shootings. I was arrested for the first time at the age of 14 for GTA and evading police. The reward I received from my peers became intoxicating. I was being embraced and accepted for my evil deeds, which made me feel good.

Soon all I started to care about was boosting my ego and reputation. I wanted status, power, respect, and acceptance, which I started getting within my gang. I became selfish, self-centered, reckless, impulsive, careless, callous, took excessive risks, and greedy. I didn’t care about anyone but myself.

As the years went by, my behavior grew worse. I was in and out of juvenile hall multiple times and ended up in juvenile camp at the age of 16. This is the same age I got my then-girlfriend pregnant. My daughter was born while I was in juvenile detention. You would think this would be an impact to change, but it wasn’t. Remember, I cared what people thought about me, and we saw family men as being weak. We called them "lames" where I come from, and I didn’t want to fall into that box and be rejected again.

My behavior was full of anti-social traits. My relationships were superficial, I had no regard for the well-being of others, and functioned under the gang code, not society’s. I was a mess.

When I was released at the age of 17, I abandoned my daughter and her mother for my gang. I failed to appreciate how good of a life I could have had and had no regard for consequences. All I cared about was my 'image' and my reputation, which today brings me much shame. I was a weekend father and far from a real dad.

I was at fault for 11 months before my arrest for my current apparent offense. I landed in the L.A. County Jail as an 18-year-old kid looking to make a name for himself. I wanted to earn my bones and garner status within my prison gang, so I participated in fights, riots, and stabbings, eventually murdering another human being while awaiting trial for my original crime. I was added charges for Murder and Attempted Murder in the L.A. County Jail in November 2007.

So there I was, an 18-year-old kid initially arrested on February 15, 2007, for 2 counts of Attempted Murder and now old charges for Murder and Attempted Murder. To make a long story short, I ended up losing my original case, and in May of 2011, I was found “NOT GUILTY” for Murder and Attempted Murder and ended up in Pelican Bay State Prison in September of that year.

I got involved in prison politics and fell in love with the power and control that came with it. I got involved with drug dealing, smuggling narcotics, cell phones—you name it, I did it. I was in Pelican Bay on the main line (6P) for 4 years involved with the policing of my community. I sold drugs for my benefit and for the benefit of a criminal enterprise. I enabled many addicts and tore hard-earned money from people’s families. I had no empathy and manipulated everyone in my life to fulfill my objectives.

Drugs in prison equal power, and I pride myself that I did not consume them. I justified my drug dealing by saying I wasn’t doing them, I’m selling them and making money. I had my nephew bring me drugs, ex-wives bring me drugs, friends, girlfriends bring me drugs, and every time I got caught there, I devised new plans. 

I’ve done 4 SHU terms, all in Pelican Bay for distribution and introduction of narcotics for the benefit of a gang while in prison. Each time my SHU term was up, I was kicked back to the yard, and I would pick it right up where I left off.

It wasn’t until 2020 that it all took a turn for the worst for me. I was stabbed and received over 30 puncture wounds during a 3-day rumble behind prison politics. I was betrayed, and you would think that would be enough for me to change my life. I had a punctured lung and had a 3-day hospital stay behind it, but I refused to go P.C. (SNY) because I cared what people thought about me and stayed on the main line.

My warped belief system had a strong hold on me. Eventually, I was transferred to Pelican Bay again and landed in Calipatria—land where I was stabbed again for the same situation months apart. This time I suffered 17 stab wounds but not as bad as the first round. I was taken to hold for investigation, and this is when I spoke to God and told him, “OK, you win. If this is yourself of showing me that there’s more to me than this gang lifestyle, I surrender.”

Many people receive less stab wounds in prison and die, and there I was with over 40 puncture wounds standing, knowing God has a purpose for me, letting me live. I made the decision to change my life a few days after the second stabbing incident and walked away from the criminal gang lifestyle.

I did not know what to expect. I cried like a baby when I made that decision. I felt like I walked away from the person I was meant to be. It felt ugly, and I cried like a baby needing his mother’s comfort to ease the pain. But something came over me the next day, a sense of peace, a sense of calm that I just knew everything was going to be okay. Today I know that was God with me, and I’m proud I made that decision.

I came across The Art of Soulmaking in May of 2024 on Edovo on my tablet, and I completed the course in June of 2024. The Art of Soulmaking helped me make sense of what I went through and helped me further connect my soul to my spirit, and spirit to my soul. I wish I would have been able to come across AOS early ago. It would have opened my eyes to the manipulation and brainwashing I was under.

Each lesson helped me find the genius within me, the meeked, and helped me to further lift off the unnecessary things in my life. I LOVED this course and the journey it took me on. It helped me to further self-examine myself internally and externally and equipped me with tools for spiritual health which produce healthy behaviors and expressions within me. It helped me connect my consciousness to my purpose and my purpose to my consciousness, meaning I know what I live for.

Prior to The Art of Soulmaking coming into my life, I completed various self-help courses that helped me gain a different perspective on the way I was living. Each course helped me connect the dots and the puzzle pieces of my life, but with all sincerity, The Art of Soulmaking hit me on a different level.

Other courses include: Getting Out by Going In, Trauma Talks, C.G.A. PREP, Victim Awareness, A.I.D.A., Kindful Restoration (Mindful Kindness, Domestic Violence Insight), A.V.P., and Anger Management. Each helped me in their unique way and have a special place in my heart.

I’ve put in a lot of work and dedication into finding my humanity again with each course working in me in its own special way. It’s like building a house; you need many tools and materials, not to mention the blueprint and foundation, so I don’t want to take away the importance of these groups as well. It’s taken a village to help me get where I am today spiritually, mentally, and physically.

The Art of Soulmaking came into my life at the perfect time. It became my internal vision board helping me make sense of every emotion I felt, and of every thought and action I took. One of my favorite exercises are the Daily Soul Letters. Writing a doctrine on the way my soul wants to express itself has been truly healing.

Having these conversations with my soul has helped me communicate with myself for myself, helping me stay grounded, humble, and grateful. These soul letters have truly been a blessing. I love expressing myself and connecting to my soul, challenging the animal turned within me. I’ve developed new habits with these never-ending conversations. I LOVE IT!

I can go on and on about The Art of Soulmaking. For those of you beginning your soulmaking journey, trust the process, and know AOS will transform your life if you allow yourself to do so. Think of the worst thing that has ever happened to you, feel those ugly emotions, remember the struggle and look where you are now. Don’t ever forget what you’ve been through; you didn’t go through it in vain. The pain is for your purpose, and The Art of Soulmaking will help you find it.

I want to truly thank Nancy and everyone at Unconditional Freedom for embracing my vision and allowing me to facilitate AOS here at my facility. The Art of Soulmaking is oil for our soul, for our spirit to help us cleanse the ugliness within us, and to help us live to our full potential.

May God bless you all. Thank you for your time and attention.

Remember me: Must be broken before being grateful? Blessed, or else, what would we be?

Soulmaker, 
Saul Diaz AH8976